MARRIED AND FAMILY LIFE - MEMORIES ON TOMBSTONES OF EARLY CHRISTIANS

From: Antonio Baruffa, The Catacombs of St. Callixtus. History – Archeology – Faith.

As Prof. Jos Janssens points out, “the epitaphs (in the catacombs) present marriage as a communion of souls and bodies. They underline the harmony of husband and wife as perennial companions and the joys of life together... The early Christians thought of marriage as an exclusive union, as is evidenced by the eulogies paid to a departed wife. Her utter faithfulness and upright and chaste conduct were remembered, which witnessed a unique love. Of a departed husband, his honesty and stainless behaviour were recorded.
Marriage demands discipline, which calls the partners to persevere in faith and prayer, so as to set an example by their way of life. In this way, Christians honour their marriage bond, but still more they discover the presence of God in it, as is seen in the exclamation of one Cyriacus, who turns to his dead wife saying:

“The Creator has given you to me as a holy gift”! (ICUR, 1, 1496).

Unforgettable wives

“They become one”, is written in the Bible (Genesis 2, 24). Tertullian speaks of married couples as brothers and sisters, collaborators, united in troubles, persecutions and hope (Ad Uxorem).
Celsus Eutropius had lost his young wife when she was barely thirty, after eleven years of happy marriage. He wrote on her tombstone that the time he had spent with her had been a Paradise. How lucky he was!

“Celsus Eutropius to his wife... who lived always with me
without even causing me any detriment to my soul and life (sine
ulla lesione animi mei). She lived for 31 years, 9 months and
15 days. She was buried 7 days before the Kalends of... She died
on a Thursday. With loving memory in peace” (ICUR, IV, 11241).

Love and tenderness is also in Flavius Crispinus’ epitaph for his dear Aurelia:

FL CRISPINVS AYRELIAE ANIA
NETI BEN . M . COIVGE QVE VIXIT AN
XXVIII QVEM COIVCE HABYI AN
VIIII KARITATE SINE VLA ANIME MEI
LESIONE VALE MICHI KARA IM PACE
CVM SPIRITA XANTA VALE IN PX
“Flavius Crispinus to Aurelia Aniane, most worthy wife,
who lived 28 years. We were married for 9 years with love, and
she never gave me cause for pain. Farewell, my dear. Be at peace
with the holy souls. Farewell in Christ!” (ICUR, IV, 12566).

As again Jos Janssens points out, “the wish that she may be at peace ‘with the holy souls’means that the husband believes her to be in heaven, with God, in full possession of happiness. The very fact of being among the just is considered as part of the state of beatitude. The company of other holy ones makes the soul rejoice; it contributes to the delight of each and the happiness of all. Blessedness, therefore, means to be with God and the Saints, to enjoy their presence and know that one is welcome among them.
Heaven is thus not seen as a place, but rather as a life in God and with God, a living in Christ who is light itself, rather than a luminous dwelling. More than living at rest, it is a living in peace which is God himself. The blessed life is more than a vision of God, it is a life of joy lived with God and the angels and the saints. The promise and the heavenly reward refer to a life in close union with God.
The true Christian message, then, is that the saints live in God forever. Such a life has a clearly personal character, because it is understood as an individual and intimate relationship with God, but at the same time it is essentially a ‘church’(an assembly, a communion) as well, because it is lived in the company of the blessed”.

Conjugal faithfulness

This is a virtue that has its roots in the Gospel. The Apologists, defenders of the truth of Christian faith, and the Fathers of the Church, the great bishops of the first centuries, exalt fidelity in their writings. Today it is also longed for by so many children and youths who are compelled to live in very painful family situations. The tombstone described below concerns the faithfulness of a wife to her husband, but the same holds true for a husband to his wife.
Good Probilianus realized the importance of this virtue in married life and wanted to bear witness to it in praise of his wife.

“Probilianus to his wife Felicity, whose faithfulness, upright
conduct and goodness were known to all our neighbours. In the
eight years that her husband was absent she never betrayed him.
She was then buried in this holy place on January 30” (ICUR, IV, 10953).

“One of the finest tributes a husband can pay to his wife – J. Janssens goes on – is to stress the integrity of her conduct, that is, her chastity. She keeps her body chaste for her husband. That Probilianus means not only the chastity of the body but also of the heart, is evident from the other virtues he underlines, such as her uprightness and probity, and the praise he gives to her decency as a way of life, and his insistence on her innocence.

An ideal husband

If man and woman are the climax of a complex relationship, it is easy to understand what a derangement the death of a loved one may cause. Sorrow is born of love lived in depth, and there is no death more desolate than that for which no tears are shed.
Only thus can we realize the pain of this young wife when her beloved Alexius died at the age of 31. They had been married very young and Alexius had loved her very much: fifteen years without the shadow of misunderstanding! Her husband had been a lector in his parish, called Fullonica, because it was near a washhouse (fullonica). The titulus Fullonicae probably concides with the present church of SS. Marcellinus and Peter on the Via Merulana.

“To the most beloved husband Alexius, a most sweet soul,
lector in the title of Fullonica. He lived with me for fifteen years.
He was united with me in marriage at the age of sixteen.
Virgin to a virgin
(that is, they did not have pre-marital intercourse),
from whom I never had any grief.
Rest in peace with the Saints, with whom you have deserved (to live).
Buried on 15 th December” (ICUR, IV, 11798).

“To live marriage as a communion of life means above all to live in harmony with each other... But premarital virginity is so often recorded on epitaphs so as to suggest that to remain virgin until one’s wedding day was regarded as normal among the Christians. Pagans also held that in great esteem. But it seems that with the believers it had become an integral factor in their Christian concept of marriage” ( J. Janssens).

Heartfelt regret

Sometimes the catacomb epitaphs witness genuine tragedies. Many wives died young because of difficulties in childbirth, but the death-roll among husbands was also high. Yet, among so much anguish, in Christian epigraphy it is hard to find a feeling of rebellion or despair. Faith always shed its comforting light on sorrowful human events.
It was in this Christian vision of death that Aphrodite, Elia Capitolina and Cornelia Victorina mourned the loss of their husbands:

“For his unique love of his wife and his admirable charity,
Aphrodite (made the tomb) for Antonius, her most beloved husband,
who lived 25 years, 1 month and 7 days. In peace” (ICUR, IV, 11809).

Also the children join their bereaved mother in the sorrow and mourning for the departed father:

“To Quintus Ophellius Trophimus. Elia Capitolina made
this inscription for her saintly husband together with her children,
united with her (in remembering their father)” (ICUR, IV, 10059).
Or again:
“To Aurelius Macrobius. Cornelia Victorina to her dearest husband
and the sons Aurelius Demetrius and Gennadius
(erected this tomb) to their father. In peace” (ICUR, IV, 12574).

“Out of these and many other examples, if one wished to sum up the image of a husband as it emerges from those epitaphs, the conclusion would be: a good man, affable, a friend to all, cultivating friendship, amiable, intelligent and honest. People sought him out and respected him for his personal and professional qualities. He was admired for his faithfulness to traditional principles, for his integrity of mind, his upright conduct, his solid faith. A husband is everything to his wife, and speaks of her with respect and admiration” ( J. Janssens).

An admirable couple

To end this first group of inscriptions devoted to married life, here is one, of uncertain origin and now unfortunately lost.
Children are the finest fruit of the conjugal love of parents and constitute their continuation after death. Each of us feels the need to go on living... The most precious legacy a married couple can leave to a son or daughter is the example of a life illuminated by love. And the profound harmony cultivated in their married life is a practical manifestation of it. Young Drusus was fully convinced of that and felt the need to hand on the memory on a tombstone:

“To Stephen and Generosa, most sweet parents, who
lived long without ever quarrelling. The most unhappy Drusus
made this tomb for the finest of parents” (ICUR, III, 9170).

FAMILY LIFE

On the Christian idea of “family” as it is seen from the catacomb inscriptions, Jos Janssens’comment is again illuminating: “Epitaphs tell us of families where the values of human warmth, benevolence, tenderness, serenity and peace were in great honour. We meet parents who are attentive to their children: keeping an eye on their little ones at play and with their charming childish foibles. Their careful attention accompanies them as they grow and develop their qualities and talents, follows them through the first joys and sorrows when they get married. We notice sons and daughters who assist their elderly parents, grandchildren and grandparents who love each other, brothers and sisters who feel united by their family ties even in later years and look after one another.
The sense of family was deep, the ties between its members were close and affectionate. Families were also united in the faith. Children were brought up in the service of God and in the devotion to the Martyrs. Consecrated virginity and the service in the Church were valued. Prayer was an essential element in the reverence for the dead. The love of God was instilled into the children.
In Christian families, there also flourished such values as pre-marital virginity, matrimonial chastity, personal integrity, industriousness, friendship, social awareness, particularly in the care of abandoned children, defenceless and without help”.
The epitaphs not only indicate young couples brusquely separated by death, but also children cut off from their parents at the dawn of their lives. “True acceptance of death becomes possible only in a perspective which sustains life. The early Christians, like all mankind, have experienced that death in itself is brutal, because it took everything from us, removing us from everyone. How difficult must it be
when it strikes the young, how shattering when it is sudden and unexpected. While pagans saw in death the inevitable and impersonal call of Fate, the Christians discerned the presence of God in it.
It is faith which makes death acceptable. That is possible because.., a believer dies in Christ, in the certainty that the same Christ, the conqueror of death, will be his guide towards eternal life” ( J. Janssens).

Junius, “a witty boy”

The natural endowments of Junius forecast a bright future. With his wit this boy had obviously won all hearts. Of course, he was the pride of his lucky parents. But death is pitiless. It takes no account of age and plucked this tender flower just when it was beginning to bloom. There arises then a spontaneous cry of sorrow: “Why has God allowed this? Why must even the little ones, the innocent, the good, suffer and die? Why must we die?...”.
Junius’ parents did not ask themselves these questions. They simply give us the response of their faith. They do indeed speak of his being snatched away, certainly not wanting to deny the sorrow they feel at his unexpected loss, but they know that their little son goes on living and that one day they will find him again. Through death, little Junius, a lamb of goodness, has been offered to Christ. He has not been lost for eternity.

“...To Junius Acutianus, who lived about ten years.
Well deserving, in peace. Buried on...
In this tomb which you see rests a boy
witty of mind, despite his very tender age...
A lamb snatched from heaven and given to Christ”.

Augustine, “a dear youth”

This inscription is dedicated

“to the sweet repose, to the singular piety,
to the innocence of life and the marvellous wisdom of a most dear youth,
who chose his mother’s religion.
Worthy beyond all telling...
Augustine lived fifteen tender years and three months.
A most devoted mother to her sweetest son in eternal peace” (ICUR,IV,11823).

Poor mother! Augustine was her pride and the prop of her declining years. Now she was alone!
“The term ‘innocent, applied by parents to their children — Jos Janssens points out — is to be understood primarily as a natural gift. If it is used for infants. It expresses a common human feeling insofar as infants harm no one and are free from malice. ‘Innocent’ thus comes to be a common qualification given to those who die before they are ten. Later on, this common idea of ‘infant innocence’ allowed the Christians to give the term a religious hint, such as baptismal innocence, which, however, is rarely alluded to explicitly. The image of innocence, proper to infants, was also used to describe the good conduct of grown-ups”, as in the above mentioned tombstone.

Macedonianus rests in the peace of the Lord

The early Christians realized that children are a precious gift of God. Life was welcomed with respect and gratitude. They rejected every form of abortion and opposed the pagan custom of abandoning newborn babies. Rather, they gladly adopted these unfortunate children, offering them affection and help. If the affection of parents for their children is to be gauged from the language of the epigraphs, we must conclude that it was truly boundless.

“To the dearest son Macedanianus,
sweeter than all sweetness of children,
who lived on this earth nine years and twenty days.
A parent raised this tomb to his loved one”.

From the inscription we gather that little Macedonianus was orphaned: whether of a father or mother we do not know. So this parent is doubly bereaved, having lost both his or her son Macedonianus, the fruit of married love, and his or her life’s partner. Only in this context can we fully understand the expression “sweeter than all sweetness of children”. What a void this boy filled in that house with his affection and presence!
The inscription is on the tablet at the centre of the lid. On the right is the bust of the child. Behind him, a banner held up by two “putti” is carved. On the left of the tablet the biblical Jonah appears, first thrown into the sea and then resting under a vine.

Secunda, “sweetest dove”

Above one of the steps of the staircase of the Liberian Area in its lower part, there is the little slab of Secunda, a wonderful girl who died when she was only twenty years. Her integrity of life and behaviour, the gentleness of her speech, her faith.., offer a rare example of an ideal fiancée and wife:

MIRAE . BONITATIS SECVNDE
QVAE VIXIT PVRA FIDE ANNOS
VIGINTI PVDICA CESSAVIT
INPACE ID VIRGO FIDELIS
BENEMERENTI QVIESCET ID IVL
PALVMBO SINE FELLE M ET N
“To Secunda, of admirable goodness, who lived twenty years
with faith. She was of upright behaviour and always kept her
virginity. She died in the peace of the Lord. A faithful virgin and
well deserving. She went to rest on July 15, a dove without gall
(without rancour in her speech), under the consulate of Mamertine
and Nevicta” (AD. 362; ICUR,IV, 9558).

Valentina, “sweet and so much loved”

It is proper to poetry to speak of death as “being snatched away”, above all when it strikes the young. This sudden loss arouses consternation and rejection in one’s parents. Not even the memories of the happiest hours, of the most affectionate conversations and smiles and kisses of their children can soften their grief.
Valens and his wife experienced this separation in all its bitterness. Their only comfort was to know that their daughter, though taken away from them, went to heaven. Grief remained and brought affliction, but in their minds there was the certainty, founded on faith, that one day they would see Valentina again and God would give her back to them.

“...on the Kalends of April (April 1st)
...(the wife) and Valens still living (made this tomb)
to their most gentle daughter Valentina
(now) in peace (of the Lord).
O Valentina, sweet and so much loved,
I am overcome by uncontrollable tears
and I cannot utter a word.
To those whom you endeared with your smile,
this remains in their hearts;
it adds more tears
and cannot remove the sorrow.
Heaven suddenly took you to itself ”.

Heliodora, a brave and grateful girl

It is not rare to find slabs in the catacombs which refer to alumni or alumnae. This does not mean students in the modern sense but adopted children. As D. Mazzoleni explains, “in the Roman world exposure of the new-born was tolerated and they were left at the foot of a column in Rome, aptly called Lactaria (the suckling column), which stood in the Forum Olitorium (vegetable-market). Anyone who found one of those unfortunate babies could adopt it or enslave it. This law remained in force until the time of Justinian (527-565), when full freedom was granted to adopted children and capital punishment was decreed for those who exposed them.
At the beginning of the 4th century, in order to prevent infants from being abandoned, Constantine bade that food and clothing be supplied to the destitute at the public expense. Later, St. Augustine assigned to consecrated virgins the task of collecting abandoned babies and having them baptized. Still, most of them faced death”.
If the child survived, the Christian community provided for his or her welfare, offering him or her the warmth of a family (alumnus, from álere, to nourish). If death took the child,the “adoptive father” would indicate on the tombstone that the child had been adopted.
The contrary scarcely ever happened. A person who had been abandoned at a tender age generally gave no hint of his or her painful origin. It was too humiliating to admit it, but Heliodora Pascasia had no such inhibition. She had a double loculus excavated for herself and for Leo, as she wished to be in the company, even in death, of the man who had given her all the affection of a father:

“This is the tomb of Heliodora Pascasia whose foster-father
died on the... of August... aged years”... (ICUR,IV, 11334).

Antonio BARUFFA, The Catacombs of St. Callixtus. History – Archeology – Faith.
Publisched by LEV, Vatican City, third English Edition 2006, p. 125 – 131.